Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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