The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
