im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
