I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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