im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
