ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
