You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
