Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
