he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
