I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
