Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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