Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Farmville is her only friend.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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