Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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