so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
