and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
