You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
