super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
