I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
