i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
