You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
