um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
