I feel like abortions should bother me more
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
