is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
