Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
