Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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