I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
