The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
