after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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