Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
