But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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