Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
