And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
