I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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