Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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