Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
