I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
