Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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