let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
