there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
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