He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
