Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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