I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How external is "for external use only"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
