need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
