Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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