my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
