the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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