Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
