is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Are we still banned from the library?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
