I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
