I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
