She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
