Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
