R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
