I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
