your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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