I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
