we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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