Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
