I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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